Mommy does not appreciate your sudden brave escape attempts. You ARE an INDOOR KITTY. Fine, your first slip out: a great wind blew against the neighbor's wooden fence and rattled so loudly it scared you back inside. You seemed much cowed and I had HOPED that taught you what a big, wide, noisy, gusty, scary world it is out there!
But what is with the 3:30am sneak out while I am trying to let the aged dork dog pee? I do not appreciate having to turn on lights, put on pants AND shoes, and find my flashlight to come outside and hunt you down. IT WAS TWENTY TWO DEGREES! No wonder I found you huddled behind my hibiscus trying to build a fire with some dead twigs and a hair tie. Then you have the nerve to look at me like 'what took you so long to organize a search party?'
YOU are an indoor cat. you are old, spoiled, pampered, and kept at a toasty 64 degrees all winter. You have toys, a baby bruther, gushy food and a dog to torment. You do not NEED to go outside.
End of story.
And quit sucking up. Although that is quite cute.
EDITED TO ADD
The two legged retriever of daft cats.