Dear Casper, aka Kitty, Eat What You've Got or For God's Sake, Stop Scratching at My Door!
I'm so glad we made the decision to adopt you 6 years ago, even if you do cost us what must be a fortune in cat food because you're such a fussy eater. I have to admit you're the most vocal cat I've ever come across which isn't necessarily a good thing when you come thundering into the house at 3 in the morning yowling loudly to announce your presence. But I can scoop you up and carry you around without you trying to scratch or bite me so that makes up for it. You really are quite lazy, aren't you? Like for example, you've barely moved all morning from your position on the sofa whilst the rest of us have been doing more productive tasks.
You certainly make me laugh, though I'm convinced you've fried your brain cells from the number of times you sleep with your head pressed up against the radiator. The way you like to crunch down a mouse in front of dad and leave him the guts as a gift is particularly amusing, well except for the times when I end up standing in aforementioned guts as a result. Not cool, Kitty, not cool.
Then there's the little matter of the fact that you'll eat anything that isn't cat food. I mean, curry? Seriously? You'll eat that quite happily yet when I put down a nice pouch of Felix or Whiskas for you, you turn your nose up at it and stalk off with your tail in the air. And is it really necessary for you to wake me up at 2.15 in the morning by scratching at my door and meowing plaintively because you want in? I've told you already, you're banned from sleeping with me due to the fact that you take up all the covers and like to lie on people's chests. I still love you though because you're my darling kitty cat.
Now, for heaven's sake, will you just eat your food?
XXX The two legger who feeds you and is immune to your super-yowl